Diane’s Journal: Chapter One, An Overview Of Depression
Finally, when my mom came home, I didn’t want anything to do with her. Our dad begged for a truce between us. Bitterness, anger, and hurt filled my heart. My hatred for her became apparent to everyone.
He knew and loved so many who “had something,” and that something could be what society hated or society awarded. To those who benefitted from being different, more powerful, more successful, more articulate than the rest of us, he found common ground that turned into bipartisan support for legislation such as the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). The vote for the ADA in the us Senate was 91-6. Many credit Kennedy with that.
This is not an isolated incident. In Connecticut a woman started a fire in a nursing home where she was staying in Hartford. The fire killed 16 people but the woman was found not competent because she had dementia, depression and multiple sclerosis. The woman was admitted to a mental hospital where she should have been in the first place.
This waiting time is the time you can use to improve yourself. I’m sure you have something you always wanted to do. Find something that you have long dreamed about doing and throw your life into it. Now is the time to pursue all the non-romantic things you have always longed to achieve. This is “me” time for you now. Use it! Do you want to make yourself better in any way, now is the time to do it. Find a way to use all this negative energy and turn it into something positive. This will make you feel good about yourself again.
Who is sexier, the confident guy with the shaved, bald head or the one with bad posture and a comb-over? Which of these two guys has chosen to own his dwindling hair follicles and which one is ashamed? Denying your illness is a form of psychic comb-over. It says “if I pretend my heart/kidneys/bones are fine, then everything will be OK”. Believe me, no one is fooled. Least of all, you.
Here’s something you can do to feel better. During the time when your depression and crazy acts up, why don’t you write down what you feel? This is extremely useful. In your notes, describe your problems, yourself, the people that you come into contact with and even the world in general. Write all that you want to write about and don’t hold anything back. By doing so, this will be helpful and might not worsen your depression and crazy.
Stop complaining about your life all the time. There is no sense asking for advice from people close to you if you don’t listen to their suggestions at all.